Well here we are back in Calgary, trying to make sense of what direction our new normal will look like. It’s overwhelming to know where to start as we dig through the mountain of unknowns for our future.
God has been teaching us daily how to overcome our fear with our faith. It’s so easy to get caught up in all of the unknowns and if allowed, the enemy would use that to instil doubts and false expectations so that we might wander off the plan God has for us.
I recently heard an acronym for fear that resonated so deeply. FEAR=False Expectations Appearing Real.
Yesterday we returned home from our vacation in Mexico. This is the same vacation I mentioned in ‘why a Blog’ ( see my HOME page) , Jesus has changed the desires of my heart to seek Him first. As we return home, we are faced with the reality of what our life has become.
We have settled into the condo… its not so bad; 3 people, 2 bedroom 2 bath; we each have our privacy, but yet still many decisions to be made… where to start. We both went through a grieving process as we said goodby to our previous home, we spent 10 years creating a life there. We knew it was the right decision but that didn’t take the sting of loss out of it.
For Mikes mom, moving back into the condo that she had moved out of a year earlier was a difficult transition, and for Mike, He could only see failure… at one time he owned 8 properties , now all were gone and we were living in the condo he had bought for his Mom.
Today is our last day on what I suspect will be our last vacation for a very very long time. I look out at the ocean waves breaking in the distance and I can’t help but see the contrast between the area inside the lagoon, and outside the the ocean berms created to protect the lagoon and keep the large waves and dangerous sea life out.
My mind begins to focus on the waves crashing in the distance, tumbling and turning ferociously… I see this as what awaits me when I return home tomorrow. How will I stay afloat in those waves? will I be able to catch my breath? I quickly feel the anxiety start to rise within me.
You know that feeling, when you’re standing on the beach and the surf is coming in and pushing out. The way your feet sink into the wet sand and your stability momentarily wobbles? This is how I found myself today, I literally felt like I was walking one step forward and two back.
Maybe it was the frustration of getting around with a broken toe, as every step was painful and everything was a long way away. Yet, I felt like it was something more, it was like this broken toe was maybe meant to teach me something more… I’m going to be honest here, it really sucked.
Regardless, I decided to dig in and pay attention to what God might being saying to me. I tried to focus on the book I was reading, but my mind kept jumping back between; where I currently was ( this beautiful vacation) and where we would soon be (home…filled with pits of mud & mire). I realized that I was once again losing my focus, I was looking at the looming problems rather than making the choice to trust in Jesus.
Here I am, the day after breaking my toe. I was feeling pretty optimistic yesterday that things would continue moving forward albeit at a much slower pace, then reality kicked in. My toe really was broken… very swollen, black & blue, and extremely difficult to walk.
Unbelievably, I was in so much pain from such a tiny part of my body, then suddenly everything we were facing came rushing in and with no warning life felt hopeless. Seriously Lord its just a toe, why was this happening to me? I mean, just yesterday things seemed so positive… God & I were tracking along nicely, I was sensing His presence and felt His leading. Then I rushed headlong into a piece of coral and suddenly I was sidelined by a tiny toe…and now the whole world felt like it was falling apart.. this was definitely not part of the plan.
Well, its been a couple days since I have been in my journal. Life has a way of stumbling us sometimes. In my case it was literally a large piece of coral hiding under the sand. If you’ve ever been to a tropical resort vacation, and like me, prefer the feel of the sand on your toes & the sound of the waves hitting the beach, over the constant activity at the pools, you will know the importance of getting up early and getting to the beach to get that perfect lounge chair closest to the water.
By now, we had a pretty good system in place, and on this day in question, I was the chair seeker and Mike was picking up the towels for us. We were a little later out than usual and most of the chairs in the location we liked were already claimed, but I saw a couple in the distance and I just had to get there before the other chair seekers found them.
My eyes were focused on the coveted chairs and not the ground as I hurried to be the first one to claim them. I got there, but not before hitting the ground in excruciating pain. Now, in this circumstance, the wise thing may have been to stay put and wait for Mike to arrive and assist me, but I was too focused.
Thanks for joining me!
Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton