(TT) DO YOU SEE ME LORD? Are you listening?

Welcome to Throwback Thursday.  As I re-read this post I could see how relevant it still is.  We are still in the midst of Covid 19, not totally locked down, yet nothing the same as before.  The “new normal” has become  household terminology which indicates life will never go back to what we once new.  As Jesus followers we call out to him, look for signs and try to see where He is in the midst of this.

Do you ever have those days or seasons when It just feels like your prayers are bouncing off the ceiling.. if they even get that far.  Maybe that’s how you are feeling as you cry out to God to fight this Coronavirus plaguing our world.

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HELP LORD I’M SINKING…why does this keep happening to me?

I have to say that I am a fan of Peter, he is the disciple I most readily relate to.  He was enthusiastic and impulsive.  He loved deeply yet panicked and even failed quickly, these are reactions I see in myself.  Yet, despite all of his human failings and short comings, Jesus chose to use Peter in profound ways to grow His Church.

As I look back at my life thus far, I see so many failures.  So many things I wish I could “do-over”,  I bet Peter wished for a few “do-overs” as well.  So I have to choose, like Peter to leave the past in the past and look forward to what God would have of me now and in the future.

It’s so easy to recall the times that I took my eyes off Jesus and felt myself sinking into the depths.  To recall  the miracles in my own life, yet moments later, question Gods plan and purpose for me.

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LORD,YOU WANT US TO DO WHAT? How does that possibly fit into our plans??

A number of years ago, Mike and I had the opportunity to travel to Israel, and to walk the very streets that Jesus walked on.  It was a trip of a lifetime that I am so thankful for.  One of the highlights was to sit on the very hillside where Jesus taught the ‘Sermon on the Mount’.  We opened out Bibles and read through the sermon once again, drinking in the depth of what He was saying to them, and to us…

Sitting there, reading His Word in the same location that He spoke the words from His own mouth, stirred us deeply in the recognition, that these were not just ancient words meant for people of  another day and time.  These were the Words of God that never changes; He remains the same yesterday…today…and tomorrow.

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Ever have one of those weeks, where it just feels like nothing is going the way it should?  This is how my week began.  It started off with our trip home to pack up the house on the acreage and make the move back into the City.

It is hard leaving this beautiful place but we have been feeling the winds of change coming for quite some time… and we are so incredibly thankful for the healing time that we had while here. God has been preparing us and teaching me to listen for him in the silence.

On this particular day, I had gone for lunch with one of my special Sisters in Christ, we had a wonderful time together, but one I sadly had to cut short, I was well aware of the extent of packing I needed to get done in just a couple days to make the move.

As I was saying my goodby’s and getting into my vehicle, I went to pull my truck door closed but before I could do that, I felt the instant and searing pain as my shoulder popped out of its socket… This was NOT good…not good at all!!

I’ve now dislocated this same shoulder 4 times, and 3 of those times this year alone.  I knew exactly what I was in for and how detrimentally it would affect my ability to pack and lift during the move.  It didn’t take long for the discouragement to set in.  Those old familiar lies of the enemy rose soundly to the occasion.

Well wasn’t that great, now look how useless you are going to be“… “how could you be so stupid?  You really should have known better” and his favourite one to me, “look how many people you are letting down… again!!”  He is nothing, if not persistent by kicking me when I’m down.

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Faith in the midst of Covid-19…

As we find ourselves in the midst of  the Coronavirus, which seems to be taking over our world; we sit glued to the TV News or Social media feeds.  How easily we could let anxiety start to rise within us trying to shake our faith and allow fear to take root in our hearts & minds.  

In the midst of praying over this exact thing, I felt the Spirit of God speak to me, prompting me to share from my current prayer journal writings in our Covid 19 world.  Therefore, I’ve decided that once a week I will jump forward from my regular Journey for Jesus posts, and share what Jesus is teaching me at this time.  Maybe in some way my journey will intersect with yours and we can navigate Covid 19 together…

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IF I’VE BEEN REDEEMED… Why are the chains still so heavy??


Failures… what does that word mean to you?  When I think of failures, I think of all the things in my life that I wish I could do over.  Oh man, were there ever lots of them… Trust me here, it is very easy to listen to the taunts and lies of the enemy, that I simply have outdone my “forgiveness quota”.

So when I read this passage, I didn’t just feel the old stab of guilt, I felt turmoil.  Lord, I Love you so much… yet I did this.  Lord, You died for ME and I did that…my thoughts twist and turn through past choices made and, decisions not thought through and instantly regretted.

It would be easy to stay in this land of guilt and regret, the enemy of our souls makes it his goal that he can trap us here.  Thankfully, the beautiful gracious Word of God teaches us otherwise.  The difficult thing, I find, is to hear what HE is saying to us over the clamour of accusations being hurled at us daily.  This takes commitment to open the Word of God even when we don’t feel like it… to read and digest what He wants us to know over the lies the enemy wants in our head.

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Its Another beautiful day today.  I feel the warmth of the sun on my body, yet my heart and mind are struggling to come to terms with the beauty of the place I am currently experiencing, and all the thoughts and fears of my future , (and all the shame and regret of my past.  Why would Jesus love me so much?  Why hasn’t he just given up on me?  I just keep failing anyways …  if you would like to know more of what Gods word says about shame & regret read more…

I read back my journal entries from the last few days trying to refocus my mind to the fresh feelings He has been giving me, yet I feel tossed around like the waves… in the wind I’m hearing the whispers of the enemy.  “Do you really think anything will be different this time?”  “ You know that you will just go back to the old ways when you get back home”?  

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JOY UNSPEAKABLE JOY…what on earth does that actually mean??

I was having one of those weeks, the type that no matter what you do things just felt grey and dark.  If I turned on worship music I couldn’t seem to focus in… if I tried to read, my mind wandered.  The glass was definitely looking half empty rather than half full.

It’s funny,  these are the days that I need God the most, yet thanks to my own human weakness as well as not covering myself in Gods protection, these are the days I leave myself exposed to the taunts and lies of the enemy.

On this week he had me in his sites, and I wasn’t even aware that he was behind the onslaught.  Every day it came at me, I just felt a little bit smaller and a little bit weaker until I just felt sad and defeated.  It was here, that the Spirit of God got my attention… “daughter wake up, come back to the Father and be strengthened“…. these are the words my soul needed for my eyes and my mind to shift my focus from self, back to God.

I went to my Bible and with much anticipation of a clearer head, I opened it up in the book of Philippians, (Paul had a lot of insight into the the struggles of this Christian life… maybe his words could shed some light for me).

I have to be honest here, I almost started to laugh when I started to read in Phil 4:vs.4, “be cheerful with joyous celebration in every season of life“… this season was certainly not one to be joyous in, a party was literally the last thing on my mind.  Then I went on to read “Let joy overflow… don’t be pulled in different directions…or worried about a thing,” seriously? this passage could no way be for me… or could it??

Suddenly, I was taken back a year earlier in my minds eye… just before we left Mexico where the Holy Spirit had been speaking to me so clearly.  There, He had given me three words that I hadn’t really been able to fully understand in the midst of these storms of life.

The three words were:  Joy – Excitement – Anticipation.

At the time, I was able to see where the words Excitement and Anticipation were coming from. The Lord had been teaching me that “He had greater plans for me that I couldn’t even imagine” Jeremiah 29:11… I was on board for that!

And then Anticipation… honestly we were pretty much at the bottom of our lives, the only place we could go was up.  He encouraged me that He was at work in our lives.. “that His ways are not our ways” Isaiah 55:8, and “Christ is FOR us” Romans 8:31.  These things I could wrap my brain around, but Joy… how do you find joy in the midst of the trials…this one was considerably more difficult for me and I simply had forgotten about it… until today.

Now here it was again.  He had clearly spoken to me to “wake up and come to him”, I was led to the book of Philippians, and suddenly I’m confronted again with that word… Joy.  This time I would not be so quick to disregard it, I really needed to understand.

I decided to look up the actual definition of Joy, and as I read through various dictionary variations, I came upon a definition that just spoke deep into my heart.  “Joy is not happiness, Joy is an emotion that’s acquired by the anticipation, acquisition or expectation of something great or wonderful.”  

How had I never seen that before?  Look again at the three words the Holy Spirit gave me;  Joy – Excitement – Anticipation.   I was looking at it backwards, the truth of it was that Excitement; ( knowing that He had greater plans than me) plus the Anticipation; ( that it won’t all make sense to me because His ways are different than mine, coupled with the fact that He is absolutely For me) equals Joy.

Excitement + Anticipation = Joy.   The reason I couldn’t understand it, was because it does not stand on its own. It is a culmination of the other two.  I looked back at the passage I had been reading, could I be cheerful with joyous celebration even in this season of life?  Could I let joy overflow even when I didn’t feel happy at the moment?

The answer is a Resounding  YES.  We belong to the Lord.  He created us for just a time as this… and He is IN this with us.  Joy is a CHOICE, we choose to be joyful because we have faith that He is in Control in ALL areas of our life.


Journal Entry:  #24

Heavenly Father,

Thank you for your Word Lord, it is Powerful and True, it was spoken through your servants to my very heart and soul.  Your Word says to always be full of Joy in the Lord, to be cheerful with joyous celebration.  What a beautiful image.. Yet this is not to say that we will always be happy as many difficulties will occur in our lives. 

By definition, Joy is”an emotion that is acquired by the anticipation or expectation of something great or wonderful.” Thank you Lord God, that no matter my circumstances I can always have Joy IN you, because IN You we have much good to anticipate and expect.  

Lord Jesus, I know that You are returning soon, so help me always live my life outward in a way that is Kind, Loving, Considerate and Compassionate to all those that come onto my path.  I pray that in this way, they might see You in me, and I would have the opportunity to share your Love and Grace with them. 

Lord God, Your word is very specific in the command that I am NOT to worry about anything.  Forgive me Father, when I forget and allow my heart and mind to get twisted into worry, when I think that I can control my situation better than You Lord.  Forgive my lack of faith and weakness. 

Help me Lord, to constantly lay my fears and troubles at the foot of your cross, trusting that Your way is always much better than my ways.  Help me to remember, that You are always ready and waiting for me to talk to you, to come to You with everything that is on my heart and mind.  

Lord, You have been so faithful in your Love for me.  You have guided me through difficult situations, given me wisdom to make better choices and Forgiven me of so much… Thank you, Jesus. 

I pray Lord for your peace in my heart as I struggle with these difficulties life is throwing at me.  Grant me the peace that surpasses my human understanding, but keeps me close to You.  

Finally I pray that as the anxieties and worries of this world try to get into my head and grab my heart, that You will help me to fix my thoughts on You, on my praises for You… on the good You do… and on your promises for me.  For when I focus on praise worthy and excellent things the enemy cannot attack me with the constant worry and fear.  

Thank you Lord, for all that You teach me, help me to continue learning how to live better for You.  Thank you that You are the God of ALL peace…Praise You!!

In Jesus name ❤️ Amen


My Final Thoughts & Encouragement:

Are some of these instructions you hear in the Bible troubling to you?  Trust me dear Sister or Brother, stick with it and trust that in due time, God through His Spirit, will show you exactly what He means.

In the meantime, I implore you to not do what I did, and keep going through life on your own strength… I promise you this, it will fail and you will wear down.  The enemy of our souls waits patiently for us to be worn out from working in our own efforts.

Lean in to the Lord, Abba Father wants you to hear him and trust him.  He gave us His Spiritual armour to wear so that we can stand strong against the attacks of the enemy. Please trust me here… if you are leaning into the Father, if you are serving Him with your time, resources and energy, the enemy knows who you are and WILL try to thwart the plans the Father has for you.

We needn’t be afraid of the enemy, the Bible clearly tells us “that GREATER is He that is IN us than he that is in the World”.   These are promises we can trust on, so go forward… serve… prepare… and when necessary… fight back.   And friends, do it ALL with Joyous Celebration.  You are exactly where Christ wants you at this time.

Blessings, Janet❤️. Journey4Jesus


Do you know Jesus ? He’s waiting for you… ( click the link to learn more) 


{ If this benefited you in any way, I’d love to hear from you and I would be thrilled if you would share or invite more people to be encouraged. }

(TT) I REALLY WANT FAITH… But what do I do with all my fear?

Everywhere I look, God is opening my eyes to see things differently than before.  I can’t wait to get down to the beach in the morning, to spend time with Jesus and open His Word so that He can continue to teach me.  These are totally new and foreign feelings for me.  

 Yet now, the words seem to jump off the page to me in a fresh new way.  I actually believe that Jesus is speaking directly to me through them… I guess that is what it means when we hear ; “ Gods Word brings life to those who read it.”

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IF GOD IS ALL LIGHT… why do I still experience darkness???

When Life starts unwinding around you, it’s not just a single thread that you can follow around and just wind back up neat and tidy.  Typically, at least in my life it was a myriad of threads that were unwinding in succession, tangling even more as they crossed and connected.

Let me explain… We had been running our business with some of our kids.  When we started the business, our plan was that eventually,  they would take over so that we could go and travel or serve more in mission related activities.

This in fact is where the trouble began, not because it was a bad plan but because the kids didn’t and couldn’t understand it.  Sadly, at this time, none of our Children are walking with the Lord, so the concept was not only strange to them, it was actually absurd.  Why would anyone do that?

We can look back now and see how we were unevenly yolked, but at the time it was so easy to justify and tell ourselves that “they would see Jesus in us”.  The problem was, we were not always a shining example of Jesus in their eyes, as we tried desperately to balance two worlds; one with Jesus as the center, and one where we didn’t offend our children.

We thought we were managing the balancing act until it actually started affecting work. Once that began… they began to rebel and complain.  To understand, I have to take you back a few more years.

In 2012, Mike & I went on our very first mission trip to Costa Rica.  Mike had travelled extensively though Mexico, and I had traveled to Mexico & Dominican Republic on a vacation, but neither of us had ever travelled with a mission focus.  We came back from that trip with our eyes wide open and our hearts desiring more.  I in fact, had been so deeply impacted by what I saw and experienced that it made it difficult to reconcile the type of work I was currently doing for a living.

I was an Interior Designer, I had spent years working towards my dream and had Big plans of what I wanted to achieve with it. It was all about me and my success in my abilities.  I was also training my Daughter-in-law, as my assistant and we were doing very well.  Yet… somehow it now felt less fulfilling…in fact it started to feel a little futile.

A year later, we were offered an opportunity to go on another Mission trip, this time to Senegal, West Africa.  We were thrilled, but our kids were not… we should have seen the writing on the wall then, but sadly we were still too busy trying to balance everything, hoping that they would eventually just “get it”.

This trip changed the trajectory of my entire being.  Serving with like minded people, Loving those that God put in front of us, seeing how majority of the world, outside of the comfortable Western Hemisphere, actually lived… this flipped my world upside down.  We arrived home from this trip and days later found our city in the middle of a massive Flood.

With a heart sensing Gods call and Spirit so strongly, it took no time at all and we were both volunteering with a Christian disaster relief organization, coming alongside the people impacted so terribly by the flood.  This clean up took about  three months and by the end of this clean up, I was ALL IN.  We continue serving alongside and working within this disaster relief organization as God just continued opening doors as fast as we could walk through them.

This was just the beginning of a life chapter that was changing faster than we could keep up, God had a hold of us in a brand new way, and we were receiving opportunities for personal growth and outreach ministry… and I was loving every single minute.

Sadly, we can see so clearly now how this new found passion impacted the kids.  I was the face of the business, I was the one that made the connections and I was the one who was expected to keep that going.  Problem was, God was regularly showing me that HE had a different plan for us.

My heart longed to spend time with Him, to go wherever He called me to go, and as a couple, we made that decision that we would do just that… We or I (if we both couldn’t) would Go.  And go I did, since that time I have travelled to so many  Countries, and served in more places than I can keep track of, ministering to people in the name of Jesus… I am beyond thankful for the opportunities I have been given.

This is where things started to getting really difficult.  You see, the kids were not nearly as excited about these changes.  They had no intention of staying back and working on building a business if we/ or I was off “playing”, so although we had poured our life savings into our business, did everything we could to set them up to continue, they would not come around.  In their minds, I had abandoned them.

It took a long time for me to understand why this was so difficult for them.  They always knew our faith, they would even come to Church with us.. that is, until we started chasing God’s plans over theirs. It took time, but God has just recently shown me that while we were trying to do a foolish balancing act, we were nothing more than a confusion to them.

They never really got to see our hearts, the fact is, they really didn’t want to.  It took us a long time to understand that like so many of the adult children of this day & age, all that was truly important to them is how it affected them.  In this we let them down, and we were even unwittingly sinning in our disobedience to God, although we also could not see it so clearly at that time.

What I have come to learn is that when Unbelievers see us,  they can only see us through the eyes of darkness, because they don’t have the light of Jesus in them.  IF in fact, we had made a clear choice of where we stood early on without the fateful balancing act… they might have actually had a chance of seeing the glimmers of light shining through.

But the truth is, darkness is opposed to the light and the enemy of our soul uses that for dissension.  When we had one foot in the light and one foot in the dark, they couldn’t actually see the light in us, because Jesus could not be in the dark.  We were inadvertently voiding him out.

So where do we go from here?

We recognize the difference between light and dark.  We make a CHOICE as to which side we stand on, even if there is a cost.  We pray constantly, that our kids, ALL of them would find their way to the Light, and trust that Jesus will reveal himself to them in due time. Finally, we trust that Gods plan for our lives is exceedingly better than what ours was for ourselves… and we surrender to that.


Journal Entry:  #23

Heavenly Father,

Thank you for your Word.  Your Word speaks to me and challenges me to grow while correcting me when I fail.  In your Word, Jesus tells us that God is Light and has no darkness in Him.  

It tells us that when we follow the Lord and give our hearts to him as our Lord and Saviour we are not to keep willfully sinning.  Because when we sin we are filled with darkness and God the Father can have no darkness in him.  It tells us that if we continue willingly sinning we are lying to ourselves, and because God is light not darkness, he cannot be in correct relationship with us.  

Lord Jesus, these are difficult words.  Your Word reminds us the “All have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God“, O how I want to live in the Light of God, to be filled with His Light to walk in that Light Lord.  

Thank you that by the blood of Jesus we can share unbroken fellowship, even while we ourselves our broken creatures.  Thank you that Your Light Lord exposes my sin and brings it out of the darkness forcing me to see it for what it is.  

Forgive me Lord, for not recognizing the division my sins cause between myself and the Father, Lord I repent of these sins that cause me to fall and keep me divided and separated.  Teach me Lord to walk in your ways.. in the Light.  

Thank you that your Word promises that when we fail, which we ALL will, then Jesus will go to the Father and plead our case for us…for me!! Lord God, teach me how to Love you more fully; body, mind and soul.  I desperately want to obey you and be your child.  

Help me Lord to follow the examples of Jesus as I live out my life for You each day every day.  Pick me up when I fall and re-set me upon my feet with Your Light flooding my path… walking with me in this journey called life.  

In Jesus name ❤️ Amen


My Final Thoughts & Encouragement:

Have you, like me, tried to live with one foot in each world?  Maybe you like me, have children that are not following the Lord, and your heart breaks as you desire them to see, so you do everything you can not to ruffle any feathers or cause them to lash out.

Or maybe, it’s an unbelieving Spouse or friend that wants you to be part of things that you know God would not approve.  Maybe it’s a bad habit or even an addiction that tethers you to this world… there are so many examples of things that would or could cause us to live in duplicity,  one foot with God and the other in the world.

I certainly don’t pretend to have all the answers, but I do know that in all our efforts to NOT offend, we likely did more harm in the long run.  Our purpose is now very clear and we are forging new roads ahead, praying that God will redeem the time the locusts ate.

What I would suggest, is lean in close to God.  Be honest with your failings and your desires.  Ask Him to help you navigate the waters and listen for His answers. Repent from the ways you have been trying to balance the two worlds… Ask for forgiveness and make the changes necessary, even the hard ones.

The thing I have learned more than other in this journey, is the deeper you reach out to God… into the Light.  The more He covers you and guides you shows you new paths and reveals alternate ways forward.

If you have unbelieving Loved ones, find a few trustworthy people that will join you in praying for them to have “Eyes to See and Ears to Hear”.  Don’t give up, God Loves them even more than you do and He wants none to be Lost.  In the meantime, Love them as a servant of the One Most High, showing them the heart of the Father, and trusting that God has a plan for them just as He did you…

Blessings, Janet❤️ Journey4Jesus

Do you know Jesus ? He’s waiting for you… ( click the link to learn more) 


{ If this benefited you in any way, I’d love to hear from you and I would be thrilled if you would share or invite more people to be encouraged. }
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