HELP LORD I’M SINKING…why does this keep happening to me?

I have to say that I am a fan of Peter, he is the disciple I most readily relate to.  He was enthusiastic and impulsive.  He loved deeply yet panicked and even failed quickly, these are reactions I see in myself.  Yet, despite all of his human failings and short comings, Jesus chose to use Peter in profound ways to grow His Church.

As I look back at my life thus far, I see so many failures.  So many things I wish I could “do-over”,  I bet Peter wished for a few “do-overs” as well.  So I have to choose, like Peter to leave the past in the past and look forward to what God would have of me now and in the future.

It’s so easy to recall the times that I took my eyes off Jesus and felt myself sinking into the depths.  To recall  the miracles in my own life, yet moments later, question Gods plan and purpose for me.

 Its so easy to criticize the Israelites from the Old Testament and the Disciples in the New Testament, after all, they physically saw the miracles of God and Jesus…

Yet, are we any different? am I any different from them?  After much soul searching I have come to the conclusion that no, I too can see and experience the wonder of God, receive his life giving miracles, yet stubbornly follow my own will rather than His.

Sometimes I question, will I ever learn?  Will I ever grow past this place of insecurity? I believe the answer is Yes, in Gods timing, like Peter did… so will I.  As I allow myself to look back, then shift my focus forward to the present time, I can see ALL that God is doing and has been doing in my life.

He has brought us out of the desert of our own making, answered so many prayers that we might be given a new start and a future of serving Him together.  We can see ALL the skillsets He has equipped us with that enable us to do the work He has called us to do.  Most importantly, He has shown me, that like Peter, He can use everything for His Glory.

That same enthusiasm that got Peter into trouble early in his discipleship, became the passion through which he proclaimed the gospel of Jesus Christ.  That Love that he experienced from Jesus, became the Love he would share with others as he worked to expand the gospel.

I believe that the lessons we have learned through our trials, our experiences…both successes and failures, are the stepping stones that God is using in our lives now.  I am learning to not live in a place of regret for the failures, but a place of thankfulness for the lessons learned and the growth received.

I still don’t know what each day holds, we are still trying to learn our roles;  living in a new place so different from home, serving full time in ministry, living on NGO wages.  Our financial mess is still far from cleared up, just temporarily sidelined.  Yet for maybe the first time in my life, I’m trying to walk one day at a time.  I’m learning to not run ahead of Jesus, but to focus on listening for His voice each day.

I look back now, and when I came up with the wording, “Journey for Jesus”, I had no idea what a journey it was truly going to be.  The definition for the word Journey, “is a trip from one place to another”.

A life following Jesus is definitely a journey…He brings us from the place we’ve been to a new place, a place living with Him and for Him.  I am so thankful that He is on this journey with us, and that it’s a journey that will only end when we get to our final destination in Eternity with Him.

I’m also thankful for those of you that have chosen to come along on this journey with me. I’d love to hear how you see God at work in your own life’s journey… take His hand, He has beautiful plans for you.


Journal Entry: #28

Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.  Matthew 6:33 NLT

Heavenly Father,

Thank you for your Word, thank you that every time I sit with You in your Word, You reach out to me and touch me in my spirit.  Lord, as I read from Matthew 14, You reminded me of your human side. This chapter shows both humanity and God within You.

Praise You Lord for reminding me of that.  It assures me that You understand our pain and fears, because You experienced them as well.  Because You are also Gods Son, You did not fall away to sin in those feelings, yet you had the same types of temptations.

When You heard about the death of your own cousin John the Baptist, You felt grief and wanted to be alone.  Yet, You felt compassion for the people and the depth of their needs, and chose to put them before your own.

The Disciples were not only able to bear witness to your miracles as You fed the many hungry people as you multiplied to bread & fish, they were able to be part of it, as they handed the food out and collected up the abundance.

Shortly thereafter, they were again able to witness another miracle, as you walked towards the boat on top of the storm churning waves.  The awe and wonder they must have felt as they experiences these very things.

Now this is where it gets personal to me, because I see myself so much in Peter.  Desiring desperately to follow You in all my ways, but I  constantly battle ‘focused vision’.  I take my eyes off of You, and put my focus back onto the storms of life that are surrounding me…and before I know it I’m sinking into the depths.

Forgive me for my lack of faith Lord Jesus.  For I too, know of ALL your miracles.  I know that You are Lord of the heavens and the earth.  I know You are the triune God: Father, Son & Spirit.  I know that You knew me and planned my days before I was even created in the womb.  I know of your greatness, might and majesty… yet, I still feel weak.

Oh how I yearn for that time when my faith will be made complete Lord, but until that day comes, will You help me to grow…to move forward, closer to You.  Help me to continually seek your face Father.  Teach me to live righteously, so that You will provide for me all that I need.

I recognize Lord, that my ‘wants’ and my ‘needs’ are significantly different , so I choose to submit my wants to your authority.  Change my heart and my desires Lord, so that my ‘wants’ line up with your purpose and plan for me.

Thank you Jesus, for your love and your Grace and your Compassion for me.  Forgive me when I feel You are far away from me,  for You have written my name in the palm of your hands.  Through those very same hands that were pierced by nails as You chose to die for my sins… Forgive me Lord, for not allowing the depth of that Love to sink into my heart and change me more.  Help me to experience more of You today and open my heart to Love deeply All those that You put in my path.

In Jesus name ❤️ Amen.


My Final Thoughts & Encouragement:

Which Disciple do you relate the most to?  Maybe you are studious and methodical like Doctor Luke, or maybe your life more resembled the tax collector Matthew, redeemed for a life of service (I can relate to him as well).  Isn’t it great, that Jesus chose disciples that we could easily see ourselves in.

We all know the old adage ” Jesus doesn’t call the equipped, He equips the called”, I have no idea who originally penned this phrase, but there is so much truth in these words straight from Gods Word, see 2 Corinthians 5:1718

It gives me so much hope to understand that I am being equipped.  As believers of Jesus Christ we have ALL been called, therefore the process of being equipped is ongoing.  He will give us what we need to achieve everything He has for us.  He will not waste any of our life experiences; from the minor day to day interactions and growth experiences to the painful parts of our past that we could only wish never happened.  If we will let Him, He will use ALL.

I had a difficult childhood as I was sexually abused from a young age, this led me down a path of rebellion, I felt worthless and damaged. (I’ll write more on this topic another time)  Yet, I cannot count the times in my ministry, that God has placed another sexual abuse survivor in my path, He has allowed me to use the understanding I have learned from my painful experiences to walk alongside others not quite as far along the journey as I am.

The best part of this… He has healed me through the process.  He has taught me that I am not responsible for choices done to me, and that I can forgive and move forward.  I am only responsible for what I choose to do with it and to be ready and willing to trust Him with the outcomes, and use everything I’ve learned for His Glory.

Wherever you are on your journey, I hope and pray that you will understand the depth of Gods Love for you.  I encourage you to trust His redemption plan… He has great plans for you and He is equipping you right now to become all that He has for you.

Blessings, Janet ❤️  Journey4Jesus

Do you know Jesus ? He’s waiting for you… ( click the link to learn more) 

selective focus photography of child hand
Photo by Juan Pablo Serrano Arenas on

{ If this benefited you in any way, I’d love to hear from you and I would be thrilled if you would share or invite more people to be encouraged. }



4 Comments on “HELP LORD I’M SINKING…why does this keep happening to me?

  1. Beautiful devotion and testimony. I’ve never thought about which disciple I relate to. It’s something to reflect on. Yes, I believe that Jesus had plans for my life too and His timing is perfect. When He’s ready, He will call me into ministry and He will equip me. I look forward to reading more of your posts. May the Lord continue to richly bless you as you continue on your journey.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Philippians 3:13,14…But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus… these verses have become the ones I quote often in my head these days when the “do over” times of my life try to dominate my thinking. I want to spend more time looking through the windshield than looking through the rear view mirror!! I agree with you about viewing those do-over times as learning opportunities and growth – we wouldn’t be who we are today without them.
    Hugs to you as you journey!!

    Liked by 2 people

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: