the hands of god…

As I sat down today and read my journal entry, I couldn’t help but smile… this journal entry & prayer was written 2 years ago on the day before my birthday.  I don’t remember what I was feeling on the exact day, but I remember the time frame quite well.  

We were financially ruined, we had spent all of our energy “stealing from Peter to pay Paul”, no matter how hard or long we worked we simply could not catch up never mind get ahead.  By this time, cracks were growing in our relationships with our kids who depended upon our business and sadly, much of the brunt of that fell upon me.  Therefore, birthday celebrations were not likely to be what they had been in the past. 

I’m sure we scraped the money together to go out for dinner, Mike has always been fantastic that way, always choosing to honour me in spite of the reality of our life.  I can guarantee it was fantastic… because it always was.  But I remember a deep sadness in my soul as well, a grief over the loss of relationships… the loss of family times together to celebrate our milestones.  

In my heart, I remember hoping I would hear something… anything, but the phone remained silent and the Happy Birthday text I was looking for never came.  It stung deeply, and I wondered how could things shift so quickly… what went so horribly wrong?

Jump forward to 2020 and where we find ourselves today.  Life has definitely changed.  We no longer are running our own business, we decided we were done running on the hamster wheel that never reached its destination, so we jumped off choosing to trust Gods plan rather than our own. 

Today we find ourselves 10 hours North of where we were previously living, serving God together on NGO wages and feeling a sense of freedom that we had forgotten even existed.  We have given up striving for ourselves and have made a conscious choice to serve others in Jesus name.  

I would love to tell you that the rift I previously shared has healed, but sadly it has not.  I cannot say if it ever will, unless it is Gods Will.  What I have come to understand is that, God is so much bigger that All of our fears, hurts &. brokenness.  I can honestly say, that I have done everything humanly possible to reconcile, but at this time it appears it is not meant to be. 

I have had to learn to surrender this whole situation to the Father.  I have to be honest, I’ve been pretty good at learning to submit my plans, my business and even my home to the Lord… but a family member… this took on a new level of difficulty.  

Somehow as Parents, Step-parents & In-laws, we believe that this bubble called “family” is ours.  It is ours to nurture and ours to fix when problems arise. The problem is, more often than not, we are not the ones to be the fixer, why?…. because sadly, we are part of the problem.

God had to teach me that there were somethings that I simply could not do, and that included within my own family… would I trust him with what I held closest to me?  This took me through a journey filled with pride (not the good kind) rather the kind where I was thinking I was the one with the power, to a place of surrender… where I came to the realization and the truth that I had to let go and let God get to work. 

Sadly, at this point in our lives, none of our children, step-children & in-law children are living their lives for Jesus.  Honestly that breaks my heart, especially as I watch the world around us appear to be crumbling.  Yet Mike and I choose to faithfully lift them up to the throne of God each and every day.  We continue to surrender them to the one who can do anything… and more importantly Trust that He will!

 

Journal Entry:  #35

Jesus looked at them and said, “There are some things that people cannot do, but God can do anything.”  Mark 10:27 CEV

Heavenly Father,

Thank you for Your Word.  There is so much promise and hope within your Word Lord.  Right now my life feels pretty out of control, but your Word reminds me that “You can do anything”… You are ALWAYS in control.  

Today, I am feeling the helplessness of our children who are lost, they are both blind and deaf to you Father.  Yet, you gently remind me… You can do anything!  Including softening their hearts and opening their eyes to the truth. 

Right now, our future looks bleak, but rather than despair, Your Word gives me hope, because You God… can do anything!  Thank you Father, that we are not alone, thank you that you can take this mess we’ve made of our lives and use it for Your glory.  Help us to grow in the midst of this journey Father. 

Thank you for your day by day… moment by moment, guidance and strength you have given us.  Thank you that You have a purpose IN this and that … You can do anything! To God be the Glory. 

In Jesus name ❤️ Amen

My Final Thoughts & Encouragement:

Dear Friend, I don’t know where you are at in this moment of time. I don’t know that challenges that you are facing, nor the darkness that you have been through. But I know the ONE who is bigger than ALL of those challenges.

Are you also a follower of Jesus, with family members that just don’t understand… or worse, think you are crazy. Maybe you haven’t discovered the truth about Jesus in your own life yet, and are finding this all somewhat confusing (if so please check out my ‘Do you know Jesus page’).

Wherever you are on this giant hamster wheel of life, I urge you to jump off… quick striving for self… start living for Christ. The hamster wheel has no destination, it simply goes round and round and round. Always striving but never truly achieving. It’s kind of like a treadmill, it serves a purpose but rarely brings true joy.

There is no problems in life too big for Jesus to handle. There is nothing you have done that cannot be forgiven, and there is nothing that has been done to you that He cannot bring healing and peace into the situation. Trust me, in each of these I speak from experience and have discovered who He truly is… the Son of God.

Two years ago, when I first wrote this journal entry, I could not see a future through the clouds of pain. “Faith Not Fear” was my daily mantra as I struggled to put one foot in front of the other. As I sit here writing today, I can look back and see the journey through a “post-perspective”, a rear view look in the mirror.

It is in this place that I am able to see where the Hands of God were holding me, where they were directly my paths in ways I might not have chosen for myself, to bring me to where I am today, filled with a peace that only comes through knowing the one who held my hand.

So, what do you need to surrender today? Is it your unbelieving kids… your parents that don’t understand… your career path… the list can go on and on.

I encourage you to quit carrying the burdens on your own, that sack filled with all the weight or your worries and fears over these people or things, that you continually lift up and carry through each and every day. . Put that sack down, drop it at the foot of the cross and give it wholly over to God. Do this out of Trusting dependance and remember… “there are some things that people can’t do… but God can do anything”… Praise Jesus.

Blessings ❤️ Janet. Journey4Jesus

Do you know Jesus ? He’s waiting for you… ( click the link to learn more) 

{ If this benefited you in any way, I’d love to hear from you and I would be thrilled if you would share or invite more people to be encouraged. }